Yesterday, March 29th, marks 12 years since I made the best, most important decision of my life – the one that has influenced every major decision since.

I traded my mess (understatement) for the righteousness of Christ, and God has been faithful to His promise of a new life since day 1.

I sat down to write a few reflections yesterday afternoon but the time got away from me before I had to go to work.

Prior to walking in to the restaurant, I had a spring in my step – it had been a sweet morning and afternoon with my boys and my eyes welled with tears several times thinking that one day that could know their marvelous Creator personally. Yet I left my 5 hour serving shift with a limp, as I faced very real sin in my own heart – sin that had nearly exploded all over my co-workers. Frustrating circumstances revealed my god of self, and took the opposing end in my tug-of-war with control.

The day started with “Lord, look how far we’ve come!” and ended with “How am I still such a sinful person?“

And the reality is, both are so true.

I can say without a single doubt that I am not the same person when I was 19, and that’s not simply natural life growth. It is nothing short of supernatural what God has done in my life and with my life.

But sin still lurks in my heart, and I entertain it more than I should.

I’m reading through the book of Leviticus right now (whoo!) and I am awestruck at how much work God does to be close to His people. It’s easy to see with our human eyes that all of these rules and regulations are meant to separate people from God – but it is just the opposite. In his grace He is explaining how His presence can dwell among sinners because He wants to be near them.

When God sealed my salvation with the blood of His Son, it wasn’t just my past and present He redeemed – this blood would cover every future sinful thought or act I would ever commit. In the past 12 years – thousands of them, tens of thousands.

Living in Christ is a tension of supernatural victory and perpetual failure, a journey God walks with me every single day. As I drove home seething last night, God met me in my car – for the ten thousandth time, to convict my sin and invite me to grow.

This God – who only one chosen Levite Priest was eligible to be in His presence, once a year (after a laundry list of qualifications and purifications) – meets me in my car, not as a sparkling disciple, but again a sinful mess.

This God. This story. This gospel.

It is incredible news.

PS If you have not listened to Carrie Underwood’s new album of hymns (and sobbed like a baby – oh, just me?), please take 5 minutes and listen to one of my favorite hymns.