The night before I moved to North Dakota was one of the hardest nights of my life.

I invited a group of my best buds over to my house for a final night together before my early morning departure. We played a few games, told a few stories, and ended the night downstairs with a guitar and some prayer. It was the community I’d always dreamed to be a part of, the one I’d invested so much vulnerability in, the people that had helped me get off the ground as a new believer. When they met me I was selfish and manipulative – I hadn’t the slightest idea how to be a friend. But their grace and love taught me what it looked like to love sacrificially, to champion others above myself.

I looked around at the people who had shaped me, even carried me at times, and couldn’t believe it was time to say goodbye. Of course we’d always be friends, but moving 600 miles away meant they were no longer my everyday people. I couldn’t stop by one of their houses after work to chat, we wouldn’t spend our weekend nights praying together or go on adventures with our time off. They were some of the most precious people in the world to me and God was asking me to let them go. I had stumbled across something marvelous, intangible really, and it seemed like it was gone as soon as it arrived.

To me, community was something to be achieved – something to be sustained. We had accomplished what felt like true biblical community and it only made sense that we should hang on to it for as long as we possibly could. Leaving felt like letting go of something really good, really necessary.

In the years that followed our relationships changed. The depth was still there, but the consistency wasn’t – it’s hard to be best friends with people you see once a year. I knew I needed to invest my friendship elsewhere but it was so hard to start over.

With time, I found and forged a new community in North Dakota. It took years, but we too stumbled upon something great. When I had to say goodbye to them to move to Taiwan the pain was equally great.

But what I’ve learned in these past ten years is that community is so much greater than a feeling or an accomplishment.

Life-giving community isn’t the ends – it’s not the ultimate goal.

As Christians our huddles are meant to be broken, to be shared. The temptation to focus inward in community is too great because it often feels so good, so comfortable.

John 13:34 says “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another.”

Invest in community Jesus says – love hard and love well. But He follows this statement with the reason why:

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.

God has given us the gift of community so that we will bless the world.

Community is not at all the ends. It’s the means.

Alex and Rachel and Sarah and Leah and Evan and Cole all taught me what it means to be a good friend. And that means I can teach others. Stacey extended me a grace I didn’t deserve, and I’ve had countless opportunities to pass it on. Dayna showed me what it looks like to champion children and to fight for a Godly marriage – and now I can teach others as I labor to do the same. Ashley taught me how to enjoy healthy food, and someday my kids will eat healthy because of what comes out of my kitchen. My sisters have shown me radical generosity and because of it I’m learning what it looks like to give more of myself. Dave and Chris taught me that prayer is one of the most exciting and meaningful ways to spend time and I’ve carried that awareness with me in every season.

I’ve discovered that community is not the destination, but it’s a great ally in the journey.

Two summers ago my friend Travis and I threw a huge party in the North Dakota badlands. We prayed and prayed over that event, that many of our non-Christian friends and family would see how great Jesus is during our wedding. We carefully chose the music and Scriptures. Our pastor delivered a moving message and Travis shared the gospel with our guests. We hoped God would use our wedding, and more importantly our marriage, as an opportunity display His glory and His goodness.

Travis and I didn’t receive much of a response to our gospel invitation and not many commented on the music or the sermon. But when the topic of our wedding came up, the response I heard the most was “Wow, you have such incredible friends.” This gave us an opportunity to share that our friends love Jesus and that’s what makes them so great.

One of my friends from the restaurant said she couldn’t believe there were so many nice people in one room, none of her friends treated her like that.

God did answer our prayers – the gospel was absolutely on display at our wedding.

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.

Today I met with my YWAM small group, 3 women who I would have never met had I not moved to Taiwan. We agreed that God is at work in each of us and we want to help each other in the right direction. We prayed that our friendships would help us to be better friends to others, that our accountability would draw us into deeper intimacy with Christ.

Again I find myself thanking God for the gift of community, one of God’s greatest tools for getting the gospel into my heart and into the world. What a treasure.