Sometime in March, I knew I needed a change.

So of course, in late April I finally put my foot down. I was tired of my days all looking the same, using the excuse that wiping butts and cleaning up spills will do that to anybody. Sure having a child brought a sense of routine, but there was something else I lacked.

Expectancy.

I longed to live those former days of jumping out of bed, waiting to see what God would say or do before I would crawl back in bed again. I used to pray the day wouldn’t end before I saw Him move or heard Him speak.

But these days I had forgotten what that meant. As God and I had gotten out of rhythm, I started to fear what He might ask me to do or not do. I didn’t want to hear what He would say – I hoped He wouldn’t nudge me to do anything awkward. I lost sight of who God was, thinking He was constantly disappointed that I was struggling.

My phone was an excellent deterrent from these bothersome questions. I’d pop in my headphones as Ben and I went out for a walk – listening to a podcast or calling a family member while he played by himself at the park. People would notice Ben and smile, but as soon as they saw I was busy they would walk away. Thanks phone! No awkward interactions for me today!

Back in March,  I was looking through some old photos and saw the one my friend had taken when God lit the sky on fire. It was a sign of what was about to come, a flood of miracles we couldn’t wait to deliver to a hungry crowd. There was no fear of what might happen, only joy in the promises and character of God. Was I content to never feel that expectant again?

No, I wasn’t.

So I prayed a simple prayer – God I want to live expectantly. I want to see you move in my life and through my life – and please take whatever is standing in the way.

A couple hours later, Ben threw my phone in the toilet.

Usually when I’m leaving the house I always carry my phone in my pocket and sling my purse around my shoulder. But without my phone, I decided to start carrying my Bible and a journal. If I truly was expectant – maybe I’d need to be writing down what God was saying or I could use my Bible to encourage somebody else.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Each morning when I velcro Ben’s shoes on and load him in the stroller I pray for an opportunity to bless someone – and I always get one. (To be fair, Ben is easily the best evangelist I know – he has no shame walking up to people and smiling, especially if they have food).

We started making all sorts of friends at the riverside. One lady just moved back from California to take care of her dying mother – she had spent 40 years as a research scientist at a top medical research facility in LA. Her mother had recently died and she came to the riverside each morning because she felt lonely, even though she was Taiwanese she felt culture shock returning to Taiwan. It turns out she lives on our street!

Another lady just moved back to Taiwan from Hawaii, her American husband of 40 years decided he didn’t want to spend his retirement with her and left her for someone else. She was an ailing Christian looking for an English Bible study and boom! My coffee shop has the only one in our neighborhood!

Expectancy probably feels more ambiguous than daily feedings of social media, sports or Netflix – but it is so much more satisfying. I ask myself – what kind of stories do I want to tell my grandkids about the time their granddad and I lived in Asia? I want to be that weird grandma who has hundreds of crazy stories about how I’ve seen God move.

I fear some may read this and think wow this blog makes me want to be anything but expectant – I don’t want to meet a bunch of new people! But the cool thing is – God knows my personality, and those are the kind of opportunities he has provided for me. And He knows you too – He knows how He created you and how He wants to use you.

Ultimately what it comes down to is trusting in the character and provision of God. If I see Him as someone who is disappointed in me, then I will also think He wants me to do an embarrassing act to prove I’m loyal. If I see Him as someone who has given up on me, then I’ll believe only something massive and impressive will satisfy Him.

But if I believe He’s a dad…like He says He is…then I can trust He has all sorts of things He wants partner with me for – the sort of things He created me to do. Abounding opportunities to bless and encourage others – but also opportunities to receive encouragement and blessing from others.

With that kind of Dad, we can pray this prayer with great peace and joy, knowing that His character is wild but good. “God I want to live expectantly. I want to see you move in my life and through my life – and please take whatever is standing in the way.”

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.